Yesterday was my last day with Verizon Wireless, in the role I was hired for in October of 2005. It was a bittersweet day that I’m still trying to fully comprehend. When I started with the company I was not anything like I’ve grown to become today. I was single, alone. I had just moved back from a 3rd world country where my relationship with Christ was renewed; I understand that now way more than I did four and half years ago. I was still desperate to love and be loved, but didn’t have a clue how that was supposed to work.

Since the day I started working for Verizon, so much has changed. I fell in love with the word of God, and I fell in love with my wife. I made many new friends and my old friendships were strengthened. In 2 Peter it talks about how one day is like a thousand years to God, and a thousand years is like one day. God can see infinitely beyond and behind. He is time, not in time. I can’t imagine what I would have done with that power, but I am glad I didn’t have it. It’s much better for me to simply trust Him. I can look back and see His plan and how it played out. I don’t know about others, but that revelation comforts me greatly.

So anyone who reads the first two paragraphs of this blog post could rightfully ask the question “why is the day so bittersweet if you know what God has done and is capable of doing?” I know that I can’t really give a valid answer why, except that when things end I have a hard time letting go. It’s my humanistic nature I guess. When people die we don’t immediately come to grips with their death do we? It takes time. We are in time and subjected to it’s outcome.

I have to come to terms that the last four and a half years are gone, never to return. I am not a Business Sales Representative for Verizon Wireless any longer. My best work buddy, Jared, isn’t going to pop his head over my cube wall anymore. That’s just the way it is.

I have to wonder if this will always be a flaw in my makeup. Will I always be so humanistic that the death of a thing looms larger than the Creator of all things? Why do I want to war against what I know is coming when I know it’s going to be so much better? We are temporarily here, doing temporary things. The closer the things are to our hearts, the harder it is to remember that Heaven is just around the corner. It’s paramount that Christ “owns” me, anything else will end up damning me. As much as I adore Bekah she can’t own my heart, because if I ever lost her or Henry (I tear up at the thought), then I would be irrevocably devastated beyond repair.

Watching my work friends say goodbye has been more difficult than I have let on. Leaving my job behind is difficult. I grew comfortable in it, and I loved it (most days). I loved it only because it constantly revealed to me who God is. God provided through Verizon in that role. There were times I had no clue how it could happen, and yet it always did. The only reason is God’s provision, and His grace for me when I doubted in it.

As for my job future, it seems that God has provided a way for me to continue working for Verizon in a new role. I know that if He wants me with Verizon, then his provision and His revelation of Himself will continue through that company. I’m just not a good enough salesperson, or person for that matter, to have had the blessing that God has given me. I found out yesterday that I won the top sales rep award for 2009 at my position. When I called my dad and told him, his first question was “what was the key to your success?” I didn’t for a second have a doubt in what the answer was. It was God. I told him I couldn’t look back over the year and point to any moment where I could take credit for what happened. I could, by contrast, point to several moments where God created a way. Why? I just don’t know. I give Him all the glory though.

I am closing this chapter in my life, because time is closing it for me. Thankfully, we can simply trust in God to guide us. When I was leaving for Peru in the winter of 2005, I was the most lost I’d ever been. I was wandering. I am thankful for the time of wandering, because as I told someone just this morning, you see more things when your lost if only because you have no idea where you’re going. And though I’m not a wanderer anymore, I don’t know what the coming weeks, months, and years will bring. I only know that my Father will not leave me, even when everything else does.

LISTEN - Band Of Horses - The End’s Not Near (MP3) (Lyrics)

Bekah, Henry, and I made the drive to Topeka, KS this year to spend Christmas and New Years Eve with friends and family from the “Free State.” We just made it here before a blizzard hit. We’ve already received 2 ft. of snow in the last 24 hours, and it sounds like more may be coming. Interstates were closed down in Oklahoma less than a day after we passed through. It’s definitely been a Christmas for the ages, at least in terms of the weather.

I thought about last Christmas this morning, and how I was awake in the middle of the night. I got up and wrote a blog post and I was full of deep thoughts. This year, I have no deep thoughts to share. I’m just relaxing and enjoying myself.

Hopefully the weather subsides a bit and we’re able to get out and poke around Topeka. I’d like to go to Lawrence while we’re here too. My hope is that amidst all of the activities Bekah and I will be able to do a few things with Henry that we’re not able to do in Texas.

Hope everyone is having a great Christmas!

Last night a few of us came together for a time of prayer and reflection on Matt’s disease. After our prayers were finished and we went our separate ways I continued to think about the heart of God and why these types of things happen. I wish I could tell you that I came to a conclusive answer, but there have been many men much smarter than myself trying to definitively answer that question far longer than I have.

I read I Peter, chapters 3 through 5, this morning and was comforted by what God says through Peter regarding Suffering. When the word of God says that demons have the ability to cause physical harm (Matt 9:33), attack physically our livelihood, our families, our very health (Job 1:13-2:8), and that “Satan (our adversary) prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour” (I Peter 5:8), you wouldn’t think that hope could be garnered from such understanding. However, it’s God’s response to our faith that comforts me, and should comfort Matt and all those who care about him.

Jesus,
I pray for Matt Chandler, that he be reminded of the following verses. I pray that as his friends, his church body, and those who would just be onlookers, pray and wait for your glory to be revealed, we too would be reminded of the authority you’ve given us to resist these attacks of the devil (Eph 6:13).

Devil,
We bind you in the name of Jesus Christ. You do not have dominion over Matt Chandler and his health. Your time to cause suffering to Matt is limited and Jesus Christ will be glorified despite your attack! Devil, it says in 2 Corinthians 10:3-4 “though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. (v4) For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds.” In the name of Jesus Christ, your stronghold over Matt Chandler’s health be released!

Matt,
I pray I Peter 3:14, “But even if you should suffer for righteousness sake, you will be blessed! Have no fear [of attack], nor be troubled, but in your heart regard Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you;”

All of us,
I pray I Peter 4:12-13, 19, “Do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you, as though something strange were happening to you. (v13) But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed.” (v19) “Therefore let those who suffer according to God’s will entrust their souls to a faithful Creator while doing good.”

Matt,
I pray you “Resist [the devil], [be] firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experience by your brotherhood throughout the world. (v10) And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.” I Peter 5:9-10

I pray I Peter 5:11 “To Him [Jesus Christ] be the dominion forever and ever…”

…Amen.

New Love - High-Res from Jasien Swords on Vimeo.

Since it’s grown increasingly difficult to post as often as Bekah and I would like to, I have decided to divide this post into a few sections. Each section will contain it’s own update, fact, or story line involving one or more of us Swords.

We start with San Antonio.
We decided that we had waited long enough to take a vacation. Henry is such a good kid, and I was convinced that anywhere we went he could come along. He proved us right as we drove down I.H. 35 to San Antonio in the pouring rain. It was a good precursor to when we make the drive to Kansas for Christmas. We had to stop in Waco for him to eat and for Bec to pee. Come to think of it, I guess we all ate and peed a little. We made it to San Marcos, my college town, around 11:00 and even though Bekah had been there before I drove around the old city to check out everything that had changed. I was amazed to see the football stadium had become so much bigger! It received a much needed makeover. We drove up to the apartment complex that I walked to classes from. We even stopped by the Tap Room, my old bar. I couldn’t believe they were open for lunch and were smoke free. Henry, Bekah, and me enjoyed the reminiscing as we ate and drank…well Henry didn’t, but surely you understand. After the Tap Room, we made a stop at the outlet malls and did a little shopping, then it was on to San Antonio. I did a lot of research and found a great rate at the Drury Plaza, right on the river walk. If anything scared us a little, it was the eating out at nice restaurants. We had reservations for Biga on the banks the first night, and Boudros the second. Even though Henry was awake at Biga’s, he was awesome, and the second night at Boudros he stirred but never fussed. The only drama we experienced was entering through the rear door at Boudros, hoisting the stroller and carrier over our heads as we navigated around tables to the front of the place. Ironically, they had a table reserved for us right where we had come in. No harm done really, except that Bekah did catch one of the patrons on the back of his head. We also visited the Alamo to catch up on our Texas history. Bec and I had been two years before, but were not able to go inside. It was nice to return to a place we’d been before we were married, and be able to enjoy it with our son. I wonder how many times I will experience a place in two different walks of life? The trip back home was also in the rain, though it never rained on us while in San Antonio. The vacation was much needed, and much enjoyed.

Halloween.
Halloween has never really been a very big holiday for us. It has nothing to do with our lack of excitement. I believe most people enjoy being excited about something. We do buy candy to give to the neighbor kids, both young and old, and we do normally go and visit our worship leader down the street. Michael and his wife Faith typically erect a bounce house and pass out candy. It’s been somewhat of a tradition since we moved into the same  neighborhood. Unfortunately this year we weren’t able to go and I was sad about that. Instead Debbie, Bec’s mom, was in town and we spent some time with her and the Aldens. One very neat thing about Halloween was that it was Henry’s first time to wear a costume. He was a horse. My mom, Vicki, purchased the costume and it just looked awesome on him (see picture). We went to a pumpkin patch outside of Flower Mound and took as many pictures as he would let us. Tiana and Daelyn were there too. We got some great shots of the babies in their garb. Another tradition that we never miss is watching It’s The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown. We made sure that we watched it before the night was over, and I think Bekah would agree that Halloween was a pretty good time for all of us.

Thanksgiving.
We rotate every year between my family and Bekah’s on where we go for which holiday. This year we went to my parents for Thanksgiving. Myles, Tiana, and Daelyn came along and spent the holiday with us. The girls made pies the day before in Dallas, while I watched the babies. I love the babies. We also had our second round of professional photos taken the day before Thanksgiving and hopefully we will see those soon. We actually drove to my folks house Thanksgiving day. My grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and sister were all there and we had a great meal. It was nice to see the Cowboys beat up on Oakland, even though it was only Oakland. Henry loved getting passed around between my mom, dad, and Lindsay. Even Great Grandma and Great Grandpa got to hold him (both commented on his beefy stature). I was a little worried that he wouldn’t like the going from one person to the next, but he really didn’t seem to mind. I love that kid so much. Normally we do a little Black Friday shopping, but in light of the job uncertainty and the tightening of the wallet, we opted out (besides a quick trip to Wal-Mart).

Everything Else.
I could truly write a book about how much Henry affects my life. I watch him every Tuesday and Thursday night while Bekah goes to work. Soon she will be going to work on Saturday mornings as well. I recall vowing that I would never be a father who kisses his son on the lips, but I find myself so in love with him that I want to hold him, hug him, and kiss him constantly. That may sound so feminine in nature, but I know that it is not. I believe my affection is a godly response to the gift that Christ gave me in Henry, my son. It’s hard for me to even become too anxious when I see him first thing in the morning and his face lights up as he sees me. I thought that when God brought me Bekah that He had given me the greatest gift I would ever receive on this earth, but then came Henry. I tell Bec all the time that I don’t understand why He gave me both of them, let alone one or the other. God is so gracious and merciful to me. I love Him.

Our pastor Matt Chandler, recently had a seizure caused by a tumor in his brain’s frontal lobe. This man is not just a pastor to me, but the greatest spiritual influencer of my life over the last ten years. When I heard the news, I felt the same feeling I did when my grandpa Claude died. It was pure sadness that you could only feel for a family member or someone you loved deeply. However, unlike when my grandpa Claude died, I am comforted to know that God is sovereign and the giver of life. Matt is living, and as he continues to live God is glorified. I suspect that Matt would agree with me that a reminder to all of us that man is vulnerable and weak compared to God who is infinite and strong is a very good reminder. God will get his glory through this ordeal, even though the devil is seeking to destroy. Matt will have the tumor removed this Friday. Please pray with me that God guides the surgeon’s hands as He works all of this together for good.

Our new small group, which we lead, has been such a tremendous blessing to both Bekah and I. We really like all the families which have joined, and our discussion has been so beneficial to me. It has pushed me to press into the word of God even more, and I cannot tell you how important that has been for me as I encounter each day and the challenges it brings. I am curious to see what December has in store….Resolution to my job, news of Matt’s health, Henry’s first Christmas….among many other things. I wonder what I’ll think the day I read back on this and know more than I do now?